***This post contains passages from John 11:1-16 and John 12:1-8.

In my titular post Bold, Strong, & Free, I discussed how the word “bold” conjures up the imagery of dauntless, reckless, and courageous. It is someone who is not afraid to take challenges. We define a bold person to be loud, but that is often not the case.

There is a story of two sisters, named Mary and Martha, who grieved the death of their brother Lazarus for four days (John 11:17-27). Jesus waited for four days to come and when he did, Mary stayed seated and Martha went out to greet Jesus.

I do not blame Mary. She was grieving, she was hurting, and in grief, our bodies react in different ways. I imagine Mary must have felt numb and had so many neighbors come in and out of her home. People have come in on mealtrains and asked Mary how she has been doing and how she’s feeling. It would give anyone emotional exhaustion that she did not have the strength to get up and see Jesus. Or perhaps, Mary was more introverted than Martha was and Martha was able to grieve with people surrounding her.

For when Jesus arrived, four days after Lazarus’ death, Martha arose and met Jesus. She boldly told Jesus that if he had been there earlier, then Lazarus surely would not have died. “Jesus said to her, ‘I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he dies, yet shall he live, and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die. Do you believe this?’” (John 11:25-26 ESV). Martha believed that Jesus was Christ and came inside and called to her sister to come out. Mary came out and boldly said the same thing to Jesus. If he had come earlier, Lazarus could’ve been alive.

Have you ever made those requests? 

The kind of prayer request where we asked, “God, why didn’t you let this happen?” Or, “If you make this happen, I will do this.”

I have. Multiple times, but here are two specific times.

 

June 2013 – I prayed daily and boldly that the Lord would heal my grandma. I asked specifically that she would be healed on earth. I knew death was an option and I wanted to be explicitly clear that I did not want her to die. Surely, the God I love dearly understood that I still needed Grandma in my life.

2021 – I was studying and taking my state licensure exam. I failed my exam. I prayed boldly, telling the Lord that if I pass the exam, my license will be his and not mine. I prayed and prayed, took the exam, and failed.

 

I think it is good to pray those bold prayers. The type of prayers that make you feel childish, the ones you whisper in secret because they don’t sound as eloquent or sophisticated. God wants to hear those prayers, God wants to hear your inner thoughts spoken to him. When Mary said those same words, Jesus was so deeply moved that he called out to see Lazarus’ 4-day-old dead body (all stinky and bound) and called out to Lazarus to wake up.

And Lazarus woke.

Jump forward to John 12:1-7, six days before Passover, six days before Jesus died, Jesus was at Mary and Martha’s house. Lazarus was at the table with Jesus and the disciples, Martha was serving, and Mary took a bottle of expensive perfume. She broke the bottle of perfume over Jesus’ feet and wiped his feet with her hair. 

Back then, it was customary to prepare the body with perfumes and scents before a funeral. Mary did not know Jesus was nearing his death day, but Jesus knew. 

All Mary must have thought was: This man, Jesus, is the one who brought my brother back to me. He is Christ, the Son of Man. She must’ve been overwhelmed with emotions, unable to fathom her appreciation and love for Jesus and her actions spoke louder than any words could. She blessed Jesus and her devotion and appreciation unknowingly prepared his body for burial and the Resurrection. 

Those bold and self-perceived childish prayers are still heard by God, himself. God still hears them even when it feels like we are isolated like Mary and Martha. But when we ask God again, tell him why we want something. He hears us and is moved deeply. 

His answers may look wildly different than what we wanted. But it is always, always good. Examples,

• My grandma did die. Looking back, my prayers, albeit bold, were selfish. I did not want her to die, I could not imagine life without her. God knew that, but he also knew Grandma’s earthly service had been finished. So on the morning she died, I woke up with no fear, no inclination to check my emails and messages as I have done every morning the past week. That morning, I woke up, had breakfast, and was a girl with 4 living grandparents and had nothing to worry about. God gave me peace and comfort.
• In 2021, as I prayed for my licensure exam, I grew tired but continued to pray my bold prayer. Boldness can be exhausting. But God answered in his own time, like when Jesus decided to visit Lazarus, and I passed my exam (after four exhausting tries) and a week later was offered a job.

When was God moved so deeply for you?

Elizabeth