“You learn something new every day.” “You live and you learn.” “Hindsight is always 20/20.” You have probably heard these phrases many times, and you may even repeat them often as well. It is true, we are constantly learning and growing and oftentimes we look back and wish we had known better or done things differently.
Sometimes silence is the best response. There are times when people will make insensitive or annoying comments and jokes and it can be easy to respond out of hurt or annoyance. One thing that I am learning is that sometimes people are saying those things to get a response or reaction. They may even want to start a back and forth (or as my mom calls it, an emotional tug-of-war). Responding with silence gives people time to think about what they just said. It also shows that I am not going to allow myself to get sucked into the nonsense that they are trying to start, whether they are doing it intentionally or unintentionally. Silence can also keep me from saying something that I will have to apologize for later. (This is a lot easier for me to do over text than in person, but I am still learning.)
Someone else getting what I want does not make them better than me. Comparison truly is the thief of joy. When someone else gets what I want, it makes me wonder how that person got it when I want it and haven’t gotten it yet. In my mind, I know that God’s timing is better than mine, but it can feel like somehow I am not good enough to get that gift that someone else got. I wonder when it will be my turn. I can be happy for my friend and be sad that I am not in her position.
One of my favorite professors from college wrote a book called “It’s Not Your Turn” all about the topic of celebrating with your friends when they are reaching goals or milestones that you wish you were reaching. In it, she talks about how difficult it is to attend bridal showers and baby showers while you are single or watch your friends get the promotion you wanted while you feel stuck in your career. She talks a lot about God’s timing and that He loves us just as much as our friends who are getting what we want and how He has a perfect plan for our lives that includes us being single now or not getting the promotion we want.
It is completely acceptable to correct people’s wrong assumptions about me or the people I love. People often assume things about me that are just absolutely untrue. As a people pleaser, it can be easy to stay silent when people voice those assumptions. However, that is not helpful for anyone involved. I get silently annoyed by the comment and the person who said it keeps believing something wrong about me. This often happens in relation with how old I am, even more so when I have the little one with me. I will get asked “are you the mom or the sister?” When I answer that I am the nanny, they will usually respond that they knew that I am too young to be the mom. What I don’t understand about that comment is that I am clearly old enough to be watching the child during the week (which means I don’t have to attend school during the day), and that even if I was as young as they assume I am, they act like teen moms are not a thing.
It is really interesting when people are corrected on their wrong assumptions, though, because it usually just leaves them speechless. They don’t apologize for what they said or say that next time they won’t assume how old someone is based on looks, they just go silent and end the conversation that they started by being nosey and voicing an assumption that they could have kept to themselves. Or, they tell me that when I’m older I will appreciate it when people think I’m younger than I am. I don’t correct people for an apology; if I did, I would never get what I wanted out of it. I correct them because it hurts when they say something untrue about me and because I hope that next time they make assumptions about someone they don’t know that they will think before voicing them.
What things have you learned in your life that you wish you knew sooner? Are any of the things I have shared above new lessons for you or are those old news? Do you like learning new things in life and how and when to apply what you have learned?
Abbi