Raise your hand if you are an adult. *Raises hand.*
Raise your hand if making friends seems way too complicated. *Raises hand.*
Raise your hand if you have no idea where to find friends. *Raises hand.*
Raise your hand if making friends as a kid seemed so easy and you don’t know what happened. *Raises hand.*
Can we all agree that making friends as an adult is hard and feels way more complicated than it should at times? I am sure we all know the way kids will just walk up to someone and say “Will you be my friend?” Why can’t it be that easy as adults?
Honestly, I think some big factors that play a part in the lack of ease in making friends as adults are schedules, not wanting to put in the effort, different personalities, and maybe even the fact that this new person is friends with someone you don’t like. Sometimes, all of these factors may be at play. Other times, it may only be one or two that will deter you from forming a friendship with someone.
If you are an introvert like me, making friends as an adult can seem nearly impossible. I saw something once that has stuck with me and it said that introverts make friends by being “adopted” by an extrovert. After thinking about my friendships, I can definitely confirm that is often the case. Or even slightly less introverted people will “adopt” more introverted people. I am thankful for the people who have claimed me as a friend and I hope I can do that for other people some day.
When Elizabeth, Katelyn, and I met, we were all in the same Facebook group and we ended up in a virtual book club together. There were other people in the group when we started; it started as a decent size group. As time went on, people started dropping off and it became just us. Then, we started talking about things outside the book and we discussed what was going on in our lives. We eventually exchanged numbers and started texting outside of the book club group chat, and the rest is history. This is not to say we haven’t had our ups and downs. We have definitely had things we have all had to work through together, but that has just made our friendship stronger.
I wish I could tell you exactly where to find your new best friends and how to know who they will be. Or if you are in search of just regular friends to hang out with when your best friends are busy, I wish I could tell you where they are. Some of the best advice I have heard to find new friends is to join Facebook groups or groups in your community based on your hobbies and interests. Personally, I have met a couple new people at my local coffee shop and exchanged numbers, but I don’t know if those will bloom into friendships or mostly stay as texting acquaintances.
I like how Elizabeth talked on Monday about the different stages of relationships and friendships. Sometimes I feel like I get excited about meeting someone new and can try to skip over some stages without even realizing it. In skipping those stages, though, that (at least for me) can often lead to the friendship ending prematurely. As much as I love girls nights, especially with my besties, those need to be preceded by trust and knowing each other pretty well.
Since I have a success story on making friends as an adult, I feel like I should share a fail in that department as well. I recently made a fast friend, only to learn that she was not a trustworthy person for me. That does not mean that she can’t be a great friend to other people, just that she was not a good fit for me. The unfortunate thing is that with this person, I skipped over some of the important “getting to know you” stages and assumed that she was someone I could trust because of the context we met in. It didn’t help that she started asking me very deep and personal questions shortly after we met, but somehow talked her way out of answering any of those questions herself. After looking back at my interactions with her and observing how she acted with some people I love, I quickly realized that she had never earned my trust. On top of that, I noticed some suspicious behavior that made me question her intentions in wanting to be my friend.
One difference that I can see between that fast friendship and my friendship with Elizabeth and Katelyn is that with Elizabeth and Katelyn, I think we worked through each of the stages that Elizabeth talked about on Monday. Maybe it was the distance that forced us to be a bit slower and more careful or maybe it was the difference in personalities involved. I think it was a mix of both. I feel like this is the kind of friendship that results from kids on the playground asking each other “Will you be my friend?”
Abbi