As Abbi already expressed, Valentine’s Day can stir up a lot of emotions. As the day approaches, people usually fall into two camps—those excited about Valentine’s Day and those dreading it. I know some people are indifferent, but these are the two reactions I’ve seen most often.
When I was 18, I was engaged to a guy who was totally wrong for me. Guess when he proposed? You guessed it—Valentine’s Day. My immature teenage brain was giddy over the prospect, with visions of fairytales dancing in my head. But after the dust settled and God helped me realize I was about to make the worst mistake of my life, I began to dread and hate Valentine’s Day, holding a grudge against both the day and the guy for years.
Side note: I’m not expressing an opinion about getting married young. If it’s right for you, you’ve prayed about it, and you’re being wise—not just emotionally driven—that’s great! Congratulations! But for me, it would have been the worst decision.
I’ve made a lot of mistakes in relationships and done things too fast and too soon, so this area has been a source of both trauma and fear for me. But since I’ve learned a lot through those mistakes, I’d like to offer some advice—whether you’re excited about Valentine’s Day or dreading it.
To the single ladies:
You need to know there’s nothing wrong with you just because you’re single. I don’t think you’re destined to be alone forever, and really you’re not alone at all. We really need to change the narrative around singleness. This is an amazing time in your life! It’s a time to build a life you’re excited about and live out God’s calling for your life. It’s a time to meet friends who will be with you for the rest of your life, to discover your passions, and to explore how God might use your talents for His kingdom.
Don’t believe for a second that you have to sit on your couch waiting for your person. You don’t have to settle for a story, purpose, or dream that’s any less than God’s best for you. So, as someone who’s now dating, here’s what I want you to do:
Turn up the music, sing, and dance like no one’s watching. Reclaim your joy. Save your money and take that trip you’ve always dreamed of. You don’t have to wait for a partner to join you.
Go to church, attend community events, and put yourself out there to meet your tribe. Then, invite those friends over to bake cookies and cover your kitchen in flour—or, if your living situation isn’t conducive to company just yet, invite them out for an adventure.
Find your unique style. PLEASE don’t worry about wearing an outfit you think a guy will find attractive. Be fully, unapologetically you—whether that means a dress and full makeup or leggings and a messy bun.
Let Valentine’s Day be a celebration of a life worth living, not a funeral mourning the life you don’t have. Celebrate a life that’s complete not because of a partner, but because of God’s presence and purpose. Take yourself or your friends out to dinner. Find a hobby that brings you joy. Answer God’s calling with a resounding, “Yes, Lord, I will go!” Your life doesn’t begin when you meet your person—it has already begun. Don’t waste it.
To my fellow dating girls:
I’m in this camp with you, wading through the deep waters of what can be a complicated yet joyful journey. This advice has been on my heart lately, and it’s something I’m wrestling with myself. (Single ladies, you might want to hear this too.)
PLEASE don’t put yourself in a box for a man. Don’t dull your shine to meet someone else’s expectations. Don’t put God’s calling on hold just to stay with someone you love. Don’t suddenly stop being yourself or spending time with your friends just because you’re in a relationship.
God has given me a passion for travel and a calling to missions. I have to live out that calling first and foremost, not bend to my boyfriend’s calling or desires. I love the guy I’m dating, but I also know God’s will must come first.
It would be easy to stay home, settle down, and start a family right away—especially because my boyfriend isn’t as passionate about travel as I am. In fact, we’re very different people in many ways, with different interests and possibly even different callings. I’m still discerning what’s right for our relationship, which is hard—especially because I’ve been getting swept up in the romance lately.
The possibility of marriage is now on the table, and things have changed. I’ve gone from being analytical and cautious, with a list of questions to find out if we’re compatible, to getting giddy over dresses, flowers, and wedding colors—even though he hasn’t formally proposed yet! Yikes. That brings me back to being 18, and I hope I’m wiser now. I know that if I do anything except for God’s will, I’ll be missing out on all the incredible things God has for me, starting with an incredible missions opportunity in August!
Trust me, I want to be married—especially to an incredible guy who balances me out and is kind, compassionate, gracious, and very patient with his scatterbrained, emotionally driven, chaotic girlfriend. But even more than that, I need to use the wisdom God gives me through His Holy Spirit to make a good decision.
I need to make sure I’m marrying a man rooted in strong faith, obedient and devoted to Jesus, committed to studying God’s word, and communicating with Him through prayer. He should be a capable spiritual leader, protector, and provider. He doesn’t have to be Superman by any means, but the guy you marry should reflect the attributes God has laid out for a Christian husband.
Valentine’s Day often seems to be about glittery hearts, flashy proposals, and extravagant dates—but what if we use it as a time to check our true hearts? To get past the chocolate and flowers and the tingly emotions and ask whether the guy we’re dating lines up with those godly attributes.
If he doesn’t, following Jesus may mean walking through the most difficult times of heartbreak and grief. I remember how badly it hurts, and I wish I could sit on the floor and cry with you, sweet friend.
If he does, then proceed with gratitude, keeping God at the center of your relationship.
Wherever you are in life, maybe you can grab the hand of someone who’s a season behind you and help guide her through this process. God has called me to do this for single women, so I’m starting a new online Bible study called The Harbor. It’s a place where single women can fellowship, study God’s word, and pray for one another. If you’re longing for connection and community during your single season, I’d love for you to join us. If not, maybe you can encourage women in your own community.
No matter what your love life looks like, Valentine’s Day can be a time to celebrate God’s love for you and the people you cherish. I pray today is restorative and joyful—a rebirth of hope and joy, not a funeral for what could have been.
God is where the joy is, sweet friends. Let’s celebrate His unconditional love today and every day.
P.S. If you’d like to join the single ladies Bible study, this link will take you to the Facebook group.
https://www.facebook.com/share/g/19rhT8yVUW/?mibextid=wwXIfr
Katelyn