There is a quote that you may have heard before about bravery that says, “Being brave isn’t the absence of fear. Being brave is having that fear but finding a way through it.” I think it is very common for people to see someone who is brave and assume that person has no fear at all, when in reality, that person may just be really good at hiding fear from others. I have to remind myself of that so often, especially when I see someone do something that I would be afraid to do. We also are not all afraid of the same things. I may be afraid to do something while someone else finds extreme joy in doing the exact same thing. In those cases, I may see what that person did and assume that took a lot of courage when, in fact, it was an easy thing for that person to do.

I have had situations in my life that I have had no choice but to go through with something that scares me. When talking about those times with family who were there with me or telling friends about it, I am almost always told how brave I am. I find that a weird thing to say because I did not have the choice to go through those situations or to avoid them. I had to go through them whether I had it in me to be brave or not. If anyone else had been in my position, they would have had to do the same thing.

It is such a natural thing to do though, isn’t it? I find it so easy to tell a child that she is brave when a big, loud truck drives by and instead of picking her up like she wants, I just hold her hand. That is not her being brave because she did not tell the truck to drive by and then make the decision to just hold my hand. She did not have a choice in the situation, yet I find myself wanting to praise her for her bravery.

When I think of bravery, I think of someone voluntarily doing something that scares them instead of letting fear keep them from doing that thing. Yes, we usually have the choice when we are put in situations to put on a brave face or not, but true bravery is actually deciding to do the hard thing. Being brave could look like asking someone out, despite the fear that the answer is going to be no. Or it could look like skydiving for the first time, despite a fear of heights. It could also look like having a difficult conversation with someone, despite the fear that you will not be heard or understood.

When we are brave and we do the hard things despite our fears, it builds up our courage. We learn that we can do that hard thing, even though our fear may be telling us that we can’t, and it can make it easier the next time we have the opportunity to do that hard thing again. Every time we do that hard thing again, it will get easier, and at some point it may even become second nature.

One way that we can notice something scary become second nature is when we start a new job. Assuming this is a job in an industry we have never worked in, we will probably start off with very little to no knowledge of what to do. This is something we signed up for, though, by applying, going to an interview, and accepting the job. Going in, we know that we will have to do things that scare us at first and that we do not want to mess up. When we start, there are some awkward moments and we are very unsure on many things. As time goes on, we get more comfortable and we get to know our coworkers and our job. After we have been there for a while, many of the tasks we were taught when we started become second nature. There is no more fear if we are doing things right, there is confidence in what we are doing and it may even get to the point where we feel like we could do it with our eyes closed.

Think about something scary that you have done, whether or not you had a choice in the situation. How did you feel while you were doing it? Was it easier than you had expected? Was it harder than you expected? How did you feel after you did it? Did you feel stronger and more confident? Did you feel like it would be easier if you do it again? How do you feel now, looking back on it? Are you proud of yourself for doing the scary thing? Are you glad you did it?

Abbi