When you think of grief, what is the first thing you think of? Usually, I think of the loss of a loved one or a close friend. While that is probably where most of our minds go, there are so many other situations where grief can be a part of our lives. You may lose or have to let go of a friendship or relationship, you may have to go no contact with a family member, you may lose a pet, or you may have to grieve the loss of a dream that will not become reality. 

I know that Elizabeth, Katelyn, and I have all recently experienced losing a loved one. However, I also know that in each of those losses, we have all experienced grief in different ways. Each of the people we have lost were related to us in a different way, we had different levels of relationships with each of them, we had different physical proximities to each of them, and we each processed our losses differently. There is no one picture of how grief looks and it is perfectly normal for it to look differently for every person in every situation.  

In my life, I have lost more friendships than I would have liked. Some I grieved and others I did not, but I still had to process those losses. Sometimes we just grew up and went in different directions in life. Sometimes I would communicate a change that needed to happen and I could not do alone in order to keep our friendship and the other person was uninterested in putting in the effort to continue our friendship. Sometimes my friend would get into a relationship and no longer make an effort to spend time with me. Some of these friendships I watched crumble but could not fix them on my own. Others seemed to blow up in my face with no warning. Still others ended without me noticing until years later when I wondered where those people were and how they were doing. 

I really had to grieve some of those friendships, especially the ones where I had considered the other person a best friend. One friendship in particular, I did watch crumble in front of my eyes, but I did not see the warning signs until it was too late to try to fix anything. This was someone I considered a best friend and I had been planning on being in her wedding and having her in mine. That was a tough one because I started grieving the friendship while we were still technically friends. By the time our friendship was over, I had already processed and grieved everything and I was ready to officially be done calling this person my friend. I had already cried over her losing my trust and drifting away. I had already talked through everything that had gone wrong in the friendship, from what I could have done differently to what I would have wanted her to do differently. That was such a weird experience for me because I had no grief left when I finally stopped calling her my friend. 

I have also had to grieve dreams that will never become realities in my life. I am in a completely different stage of life than I ever thought I would be at this age. Over the years, my career goals have changed, but I always had specific plans of how my life would be now no matter what career I chose. God had different plans though, and I have had to grieve that for years. The crazy thing is, I am able to grieve what I wish I had while still being happy where I am at. I love my job and the community I have, which I would not have if things had gone my way. At the same time, I am watching other people living the life I wanted and grieve the fact that my life is not turning out how I dreamed that it would. 

There is no one right way to express grief. Some people create art or write to process their grief. Others need to talk to someone about how they are feeling. Some people need to be around people. Others need to be alone to process their feelings. Some people need to stay busy and keep their minds off things for a while until they are ready to process everything. Others need to stop everything and sort out their feelings right away. It is perfectly fine and normal to grieve in different ways than the next person. It is perfectly fine and normal to grieve differently in different situations. Every person and every situation is different and grief cannot be put in a box and wrapped up nicely with a bow on top. 

Abbi